embarrassment is a fallacy

I think the rats really are getting bigger.

The only time/way it seems to work is as a means of occupying my hands for the awkward hour when the music is slow or no one is talking.
how I look in a mirror, the way I move, finish stories or remember facts.

Sarah Castronovo

J. Penry

I was working on a revision of an essay about the first time I didn't remember how I got somewhere. What it's like to be 16 and wake up in a place you've never been before and don't recognize. 

It's an old story and I have hardly any more perspective now.

I don't know how I feel about writing guides or styles of how-tos, but back in New York, I am reading The Best Creative Nonfiction, vol 1. After that I want to finish Lopate's 'Art of the Personal Essay' in its entirety. Maybe after I finish up those anthologies I can figure out what it is I liked about this essay before I started writing it.  I like the disjunction in the things I say. I just want to write for disaffected teenagers that read books and know how to drive fast.

choose your wood

This is the nicest house I've lived in for a long while. I am honest but I am also a jerk: it is better than your railroad or your loft.

I have plans for my big back yard and little front yard:

A mural in the front. want to help? I am thinking something like Mondrian, thick measured black lines and nice colored boxes. That could be difficult to fuck up.

Lots of plants that I could water with this watering can <<<---

BBQs, tomatoes, pea vines and maybe a bunny. I also want birdhouses that we build ourselves from all the weird shaped pieces of wood we have in the basement. Look at this nice site: http://holoweb.com/nature/birds/houses/design1.htm

I hadn't read Erowid in YEARS, but then I did the other day. I don't know what I think about Blue Lotus but I am happy that Erowid exists.

And everyone I know, even those I do not know yet, please wear helmets on your bicycles. Don't be like this girl, she is from a simpler time when people were smart enough not to walk in bike lanes.

salvia apple lesson

These will probably come off the internet, but I think you look beautiful

(and you think so too)

Just because it looks cool doesn't mean it is.

Smoking salvia out of an apple does not work.

my new friend plays drums all the time

sweet black indian hash




does this make you happy?

my friend dustin is coming to brooklyn to see jonathan richman.
funny

the return

i just made it home from belfast.

im not going to make it to london this time. next time.

i can't write it all out now. here is some of the beginning,

i flew into belfast from amsterdam on the 23rd, and when i got in Aine and Lee were waiting at the airport and Aine and I did that thing were people are the airport start screaming and hugging and jumping in circles. It felt so good.

Aine had already been drinking, so i did too in the car on the drive back. it was my first time in an british car (that wasn't a taxi.) i should have asked if theyd let me drive. i couldn't believe how much i missed her accent. and then to be in a whole house, in a whole village full of it! i met her family, who were so beautiful and SOOO FUNNY, and generous.

i saw all of downpatrick and belfast, and did ecstasy and listened to music and celebrated christmas and ate to much and did so many other things. i took pictures during some of them.