embarrassment is a fallacy

I think the rats really are getting bigger.

The only time/way it seems to work is as a means of occupying my hands for the awkward hour when the music is slow or no one is talking.
how I look in a mirror, the way I move, finish stories or remember facts.

Sarah Castronovo

J. Penry

I was working on a revision of an essay about the first time I didn't remember how I got somewhere. What it's like to be 16 and wake up in a place you've never been before and don't recognize. 

It's an old story and I have hardly any more perspective now.

I don't know how I feel about writing guides or styles of how-tos, but back in New York, I am reading The Best Creative Nonfiction, vol 1. After that I want to finish Lopate's 'Art of the Personal Essay' in its entirety. Maybe after I finish up those anthologies I can figure out what it is I liked about this essay before I started writing it.  I like the disjunction in the things I say. I just want to write for disaffected teenagers that read books and know how to drive fast.

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it could just be this exact moment. but i want

(im listning to ween right now)

when we are together ,i want really get (on)you, i want to really dig you. and only based on that i want to fuck you. on the down. you know, the (heavy) breathing. what other music should be playing?

it dont matter.

drunk