Wednesday, December 19, 2007

alphabet of hate

reference previous post.
EARLY FALL 2004

hate is like
A, ants, besides biting people, they make you feel fat and lazy. runner up: animaniacs
B, bruised beyond repair fruit, when you want a fuckin banana badly.
C, cocaine, gives me the creeps. seeing people with little white powder crumbs glued by snot to their nostril fur is gross. runner up: christmas freaks, car crashes
D, dead animal roadkill. pigeons are the worst, really any bird that gets hit by a car is the saddest thing of all. Runner up: dandruff.
E, emily, the whole entire western world is named emily. maybe i will move to Nepal or Japan where emily will be an exotic delicacy among names. in the mean time, I've started spelling it different ways: emmalea, emilie, etc. runner up: everRest, why? Its my tag when I flirted with being a (shitty) wall artist.
F, fat people, forgive me, because i know this is an obvious choice. Runner up: forgiveness, why? because it doesn’t exist.
G, guilt, wy does every nationality claim to have their own kind? catholics, jews, asians, its all the same. runner up: goiders
H, Henry Rollins, is some stupid, militant dickhead who is on VH1. that’s punk. runner up: holy cows
I, iguana owners, i dont know if i have ever met any before, but its weird. is this the way that retards think about gay people? runner up: independence high school
J, jeweled navels on sluts. runner up: jerry as in ‘tom and jerry’. i hate that mouse.
K, kitchen cuts spiked with lemon. runner up: killing roaches, killing cramps
L, losing against losers. runner up: lobster hands
M, mediocre babies, that sucks. they havnt even had the chance to do anything yet. runner up: mossy teeth.
N, “nigger toes”, I heard this for the first time a few weeks ago. Apparently it’s another word for brazil nuts. runner up: nazi popes, i afriKan should have won.
O, old-looking young people. this makes me angry for some reason. runner up: oily hands
P, public embarrassment: pant peeing/erections, tripping, farting, boogers, body odor, mispronunciations, mismatched socks, messy hair, broken fingernails. these things should all stop by the time you are 14. (NOT- i actually like this.) runner up: puke
Q, quick massages, its almost better to have never had anything in the first place. runner up: when my mom calls things ‘queer’
R, raisins, fuck nature's candy. runner up: robot voices
S, sour cream & onion, i especially dislike pringles. runners up: soul patches, sour cream & onion, sour milk-milkshakes, stealing/stealers from people; from big companies its ok
T, too much make-up, accents, time, stuffed animals... runner up: tetanus shots
U, unreturned phone calls, the worst way to be dumped in the history of forever. it happened to me once, and now, i feel tarnished or something. i still want my stuff back, you asshole. runner up: U2. i hate bono, especially when i see him being interviewed in documentaries or on the news. their music sucks too.
V, vacuuming when you are trying to watch tv, i hated this shit when i was a kid. You’d try to turn the volume up really loud to overpower the cacophony but it never works. runner up: vd. VD is a really good phrase that shouldn’t have gone out of style.
W, waiting a really long time for food at a restaurant. runner up: windowless rooms
X, x-mas freaks/ department store obsessives. i cheated with this. runner up: the ‘X-treme’ jello i got for getting my wisdom teeth out.
Y, the yearling. and almost all required reading books for that matter, especially jane austen. slaughterhouse-5, catch-22, and bury my heart at wounded knee were good. runner up: ‘year of the rat’- what a bad chinese zodiac sign to be. wouldn’t you prefer a dragon?
Z, zoinks. im done.